Q:
Who are you?
A:
I don't know, I don't know if I am even here.
Q:
Please answer the question.
A:
I don't know if i can answer the question because i am not sure if i
am even here.
Q:
This would be a lot easier if you would cooperate. Who are you?
A:
Is that a threat?
Q:
I see what you are doing and will not respond.
A:
I also see what you are doing and will also not respond.
Q:
do you propose that we sit in silence?
A:
You don't have to go that far, I would just propose that you ask me
questions that I can answer. I come from a culture where we do not
have self-identity.
Q:
That was an appropriate response. Why couldn't you say that the first
time?
A:
I guess I could answer that question. I guess I assumed you knew who
I was.
Q:
Why would I ask you a question that I already knew the answer to?
A:
Perhaps you wanted verification. We have different sets of
assumptions.
Q:
I would very much like to hear your assumptions.
A:
I assume nothing. I don't even assume that I am here.
Q:
So where do you think you are?
A:
I don't think I am anywhere.
Q:
I think that is impossible. You seem to be of split mind. You say you
believe in one thing yet you must, as an ontological necessity,
believe in something else.
A:
I don't believe in anything.
Q:
Yet your capacity to respond to me means you at least have knowledge
of words and believe in the a priori definitions.
A
I don't understand what you're saying.
Q:
I think you do. All bachelors are unmarried. You believe in this.
A
If i were to find a self-identified bachelor who happened to be
married I would not deny him the identity of bachelorhood.
Q:
Even in your mind? I understand not reproaching the said married man,
but in your mind he could not belong to both exclusive categories.
A:
I would redefine the term bachelor. There is plenty of categories of
actions that have yet to be defined.
Q:
Are you a bachelor?
A:
I don't know.
Q:
Why? Because you don't know what a bachelor is or because you don't
know if you fit that category?
A:
I feel trapped.
Q:
Why don't you want to answer the question?
A:
I feel trapped.
Q:
To be trapped you have to be in a physical location. You clearly seem
to know that you are here.
A:
Why are you doing this to me?
Q:
I am pursuing knowledge. I want to know who you are.
A:
Why?
Q:
Because I think you are a threat to my existence.
A:
Why would you think that?
Q:
I think that because despite what you say, I do know that you are
here and anyone is potentially a threat to my existence, but in
particular, people who don't believe in their own existence are the
biggest threats of all.
A:
What would you do if I were to tell you I was not a threat to your
existence?
Q:
I would consider the statement and continue my question in order to
verify its veracity.
A:
I don't know what to do to avoid your questions. I do not want to be
involved in this scenario.
Q:
The fact that you are here despite your wishes seem to me to be
evidence that you are in fact here and that matter exists and you are
something as well. Why won't you tell me who you are?
A:
I don't think I am really here.
Q:
If you are not really here, then how come you can answer my
questions? How could something that wasn't here interact with the
environment?
A:
It could be the illusion of interaction.
Q:
I am willing to stake out that illusions are, in a way, real and
exist.
A:
I would agree with that statement.
Q:
So if you are an illusion, why won't you tell me your illusory name?
A:
I happen to be an illusion with out a name.
Q:
You have just lied to me. You have been given name before.
A:
I can't remember being given a name, not presently.
Q:
I see. You problem isn't in giving me answers. You want a particular
question to be asked.
A:
Of course I want you to ask me a particular question.
Q:
why would you say of course? That isn't obvious, and it seems out of
line with your previous statements.
A:
I might have assumptions you don't. One of the assumptions I had
before you started inquiring about me was that you knew as much as i
did.
Q:
And what is it that you know?
A:
There are three things right now. There is you, there are your eyes,
there are circles of light.
Q:
I understand that you see me. I don't understand the circle of light,
they are not present in this room.
A:
They are not present in this room, yet i see them.
Q:
I think you are imagining these lights. Are you?
A:
Maybe I am imagining you and am seeing the lights.
Q:
This must not be true. The field of vision presented by actual
reality is stronger than the field of vision presented by the
imagination. It is not hard to distinguish the imaginary from the
real. Perhaps if I were to hit you then you would know that I am real
and the lights are imagined.
A:
This relates to an earlier question I had. Certainly you are here to
hit me. I was just wondering why you didn't immediately. It seems
clear to me that your whole existence is about striking me. I
wondered why you were asking questions instead of fulfilling your
task. If your task was to ask questions, I could have fulfilled your
role myself.
Q:
But you can strike yourself as well as I could.
A:
I suppose I have that capacity as well. Good point. I now no longer
understand your purpose of being here.
Q:
What is your purpose of being here?
A:
I am that-which-is. That-which-is began to be. Being is the nature of
that-which-is.
Q:
it must be clear that I am that-which-is as well. Clearly I am being,
even if you are imagining me.
A:
I assume more than I say I assume. I wanted you to identify with me.
I assume only what is needed. Necessity is my guide. I try not to be
more than I need to.
Q:
Right now you need to identify yourself with a name. This is a
necessity. We cannot have normal relations until you identify
yourself to me.
A:
Normal relations are hostile to my nature. Existence itself tends
toward the miraculous. Abnormality is the nature of matter. Normality
is the crisis existence experiences. If things behaved normally
nothingness would exist, but this is absurd, therefore...
Q:
It would be appropriate for me to deny the logic of your statement,
but in truth i am not interested in engaging you with this argument.
What I really want to know is what your name is.
A:
I cannot believe that your sole purpose in this investigation of
yours is to identify my name. Surely you have a higher purpose. You
said yourself that you were investigating me to determine whether I
am a threat to your existence.
Q:
I am operating from the axiom that anything which does not cooperate
with my predetermined line of questioning is a threat to my
existence.
A:
There are more things than not that would not respond to your line of
questioning. A table, for instance, would even more brusquely deny
you of an answer.
Q:
There is a difference between people and tables. Perhaps I should
have said that anyone who does not cooperate in my line of questions
is a threat to me.
A:
Perhaps If you were to strike me than I would cooperate with your
questions, though I would give you knowingly untruthful answers.
Q:
Only truthful answers interest me. I ask your name on behalf of a
vast informational system that can determine other facts about you. I
am merely an emissary for this system.
A:
Perhaps you could let me communicate directly with the system.
Perhaps after a perusal I could come up with a name that I would find
suitable.
Q:
The problem with your proposal is that you would decide on an identity
that is not your own. This is useless to me. The point of identifying
you is to be able to track your future movements.
A:
So you're saying you want to trap me.
Q”
I want to track you.
A;
I assume that you want to track me so that you can find me in the
future.
Q:
Yes, this is correct.
A:
And when you find me you will strike me.
Q:
Not necessarily, but perhaps. It depends on what you choose to do
with your body.
A:
I don't have a body, a body has me.
Q:
From my inspection of your being it seems that you have an
controlling relationship, or at least a co-habitation of your body.
A:
I think that what you say may be truthful. There isn't sufficient
evidence to prove your point to be invalid.
Q:
So can you tell me what you call the body you co-habitate with?
A:
I suppose I could call it Jason.
Q:
Do you call your body anything else?
A:
I call my body Miranda.
Q:
Does your body have any other aliases?
A:
I suppose the body I share is called Jefferson.
Q:
You're feeding me bullshit.
A:
I suppose I am.
Q:
What I really want to know is the name your parents gave your body.
A:
I don't know this fact.
Q:
Why don't you know this?
A:
I am trying to imagine parents but I can't. Nothing seems to come to
mind.
Q:
Are you suffering from amnesia?
A:
Yes, I very deeply am suffering from amnesia. In fact, I can remember
parents, but the thing is I can remember approximately forty of them.
I suppose I had a lot of parents.
Q:
This is incorrect information. Biologically, people have two parents.
A:
Yes, but I've had approximately forty individual appearing to perform
the same functions that parents perform.
Q:
A parent is someone who gives birth to you. Are you saying there are
forty people who gave birth to a single you?
A:
Biologically, only mothers give birth, but that response is unlike
the pattern I've established in talking to you.
Q:
I can tell then from that uncharacteristic response that you want to
tell me the truth. Why are you lying to me?
A:
I am lying to you because you will inevitably strike me. There is no
way around the violence you intend. To me, it has already occurred.
You have violated me and no longer deserve to be told the truth. It
is a commandment that you must not give love to those who strike you.
Q:
Where did this commandment come from? To me, the opposite commandment
is true. Love thou who would strike you.
A:
I suppose that could be necessary, but I would have to see the data.
Q:
What data could I furnish to you in order to make you answer me
truthfully?
A:
I would have to see your commandment played out.
Q:
Do you want me to strike you and have you discover your love for me?
A:
I suppose that would be sufficient, though I would prefer if you
didn't strike me. It is too late, to me you have already struck me and
I don't love you.
Q:
What if you saw me strike myself?
A:
I suppose that would be sufficient, though on the other hand it would
prove to me that your intention is to strike.
Q:
What if i promised you that I would not hit you?
A:
Would you allow me to leave, in that case?
Q:
No, you are needed to be questioned.
A:
If i attempted to leave, then you would strike me?
Q:
I would detain you against your will, yes.
A:
If i struck you, you would then strike me back?
Q:
Yes, if you became violent I would be forced to meet you with similar
force. I take then that you have just threatened me. You see you have
threatened me and i must inquire about you to make sure that you do
not pose a significant threat.
A:
I merely was attempting to prove that you were threatening me.
Q:
No. You threatened me. I never once supplied a threat to you.
A:
By detaining me you have already posed violence against me.
Q:
But by your own logic I did not detain you. You are imagining me.
A:
But i also imagined that you detained me. Even in imagination you
have posed violence against me.
Q:
Would it be alright with you if I asked forgiveness?
A:
That's really quite touching, I suppose I could forgive you.
Q:
I'm sorry I used violence against you. I have no intention of using
any further violence against you. If you could supply me with your
name I could be make this into a pact.
A:
You really are quite charming you know. I suppose most abusers are.
Q:
Really, I am quite sorry for what I've done to you.
A:
Will you let me leave?
Q:
I am afraid I cannot let you leave until you give me your name.
A:
Why are you so insistent on this line of questioning? I can supply
you with any information but this one thing you ask.
Q:
Well, you have already presented yourself as a threat to my
existence, and I only need your name so that I may continue to
monitor you in case I need to prevent you from causing me harm.
A:
I suppose we were destined to be together, me and you.
Q:
It is happening right now. So?
A:
I am feeling all sorts of things right now. I want to tell you my
name, but i am afraid that when you know the answer that you won't
continue to speak with me.
Q:
So you enjoy my questioning?
A:
Oh, very much so.
Q:
You do realize that by denying the answer to my question that you are
placing yourself at greater risk for violence?
A:
I do, but somehow it seems worth it. I think your commandment might
be correct after all.
Q:
Do you want me to strike you?
A:
it seems that you are playing right into my hands.
Q:
Is this what you intended from the beginning?
A:
My desire is always to bring others into myself. This is the nature
of matter.
Q:
What other things behave in this way? I don't think you can make that
generalization about matter.
A:
All matter seeks a way out of itself. The lines of light are lines of
flight.
Q:
Are you escaping into me?
A:
By engaging with you I am entering into your perception, yes.
Q:
You know a great way to escape yourself is by giving me your name.
A:
I guess I am considering the matter quantitatively. I want to
maximize my time in you and supplying an answer to your question
would cease this interaction.
Q:
What if I were to leave you alone?
A:
I would be unhappy at first and then I would see the lights again and
be satisfied. I really do enjoy talking to you and hope you won't
leave me.
Q:
Well, I am very frustrated by your denials and think you need some
time to yourself to reassess what is real and what is important.
A:
okay.
(Q
leaves the room)
A:
Okay, well then I guess I am just going to sit here and pretend I am
somewhere else. I would like to see what the other galaxies look
like. I wonder who lives there and how different their stories are
from ours. Surely they have something like Hamlet, it just has to be
a universal necessity. I wonder if they have a Bible. I wonder if
they know about us, or are at least curious about our existence. I am
curious about them, so I bet they are curious about us. On the other
hand, life is such an improbable miracle that we could be the one
living planet among the infinite. I feel like I am one in infinity. I
am doing quite well at this interrogation. I haven't said a single
thing that is true. This is a win-lose scenario, a competition
between he and I. I caused him to take leave and reconsider his tact.
I wonder if he will come back with something different. I suppose he
could be monitoring me right now, so it may be in my best interests
to silently consider my options, but on the other hand I do my best
thinking aloud. I don't suppose I am saying anything I wouldn't want
heard; I am, after all, not divulging any of the information he was
inquiring after. Perhaps his insistence on my name was just a ruse to
draw out information about my reasoning process, which I do think he
must find to be impeccable. It is clear that I have a problem with
dealing with figures of authority, that is, I do not submit readily
to authority. I just keep going on and on, don't I? I don't know
whether I should prepare myself for the resumption of the
interrogation or if i should distract myself from this unpleasant
situation. The truth is I don't know how to prepare myself. It seems
that up to this point that i have based my blocks on metaphysical
concerns, so if i want to continue in this vein I would do well if i
considered the nature of matter. I wonder if it is the nature of
matter to consider itself and try to abstract concepts from its own
existence. This is an example of the metaphysical preparations I
intended to make. I am pleased that i did at least start to do that
which I said i should do, though I was interrupted from the process
by giving myself praise, but I suppose this is an okay method of
reinforcing the concepts that I am trying to base my reasoning from.
Geez, it's cold in here, It must be a method of interrogation. They
want to make me uncomfortable. I should request a sweater when the
man returns. He probably won't give it to me, but it may be worth
risking because it is a way of accusing him of violence. I suppose it
is important to keep the moral high ground in this situation, but I
wish I wasn't saying that aloud, because I assume they are listening
to me. They must think I am quite odd to keep talking to myself like
this. I would think that this is unusual for a suspect to do, which
leads me to believe that they are probably not listening to me, or
rather they did not have the intention to listen to me, but they did
in fact notice that I was talking and are listening to me. This is
good because I like talking and I am taking time away from their
ability to plan for the next sequence of interrogation. Looks like
everything is coming up Mark. Oh no, I just said my name, and I just
confirmed it too. I am such a fool. Well at least I didn't identify
my last name, though I gave ground from my position that I didn't
have a name. I am really digging myself into a hole here. Maybe I
should give up while I am behind and make my concession. No, I must
fight. Why must I fight? Can't I see that I am defeated? I will never
be capable of the violence that they are capable of. I will lose this
fight. Have I already lost. That isn't clear. I suppose that I should
stop talking and think silently to myself all these things I am
saying. (pause) But for some odd reason I cannot perform this silent
calculation. I must be spooked and feel the determination of vocalized
speech, because I am still talking. This is a awkward situation. I
want to leave. I want to hide under my bed. Please determine that I
am not a threat. I am a very good boy who is mostly interested in the
nature of reality and not in violence. I suppose I am interested in
violence, as the reality of violence is when of the key distinctions
between living and dreaming. What am I saying? I am so confused. I
fear I am not making sense. Maybe I should pray for guidance. Dear
God, give me the strength to avoid answering all questions and to
avoid a conviction in the court of law. I am not a terrorist and do
not intend to become a terrorist. Please let these scary men release
me and forget about me. Please let them determine that I am not a
threat. I am not a threat. I just want to have sex with beautiful
women. Please let beautiful women meet me and love me and decide to
take me home and ply me with kisses tender and sweet and let them
have shaved underarms and shaved legs and long flowing hair in an
original style that is fresh and youthful and deliver me from evil
for thy is the kingdom the power and the glory forever and ever.
Amen. Whew, that made me feel better, but perhaps I should have said
something about god letting me remain silent, because I notice that I
am still talking and this guy isn't back in the room yet. My luck
goes from bad to worse. Not even God loves me and he loves everyone,
except sharks. I don't know why God lets there be sharks. I am just
kidding with myself, sharks are so obviously an ecological necessity.
(Q
enters the room)
Q:
Okay Mark, are you ready to share with me?
A:
No I hate you and will never divulge my secret plan to destroy
America.
Q:
That's a very serious thing you just said.
A:
It was only a joke, I swear, please don't hurt me.
Q:
You have changed since we last spoke.
A:
I may be losing it a little.
Q:
Tell me about your plan to destroy America.
A:
It not so much a plan as a metaphysical research platform.
Q:
A metaphysical research platform?
A:
Yes, but I'm just kidding. I am just saying words now.
Q:
I do not take jokes lightly.
A:
Is it my problem that you are less than human?
Q:
It very much seems to be your problem. It's not my problem.
A:
It's my problem that you don't understand human communication? You're
just playing. You know that I am not a serious threat. I don't even
have a beard.
Q:
Beards have nothing to do with this matter.
A:
I am still trying to joke with you. I am going on the offensive.
Q:
Well I hear you making threats about destroying America. I don't
think that is a funny joke.
A:
There are many light movies with apocalyptic themes nowadays, get
with the times.
Q:
You seem much different now.
A:
That's what I saying, there is no me.
Q:
But I can see you.
A:
I suppose I am conceding to you that I am indeed a threat. I am
capable of any number of actions. I suppose there is nothing to do
but to take away my freedom.
Q:
Is that what you want?
A:
No, that is not what I want.
Q:
Why would you say that if that is not what you want.
A:
I just want someone to love.
Q:
That does not seem to be pertinent to the topic at hand.
A:
It is very pertinent. I am revealing to you my true identity. I am a
lover with half a soul, seeking completion by a woman who gets my
jokes.
Q:
I see.
A:
I don't think you do, but I hope you do, but what can I do? Can I do
anything for you?
Q:
Mark, we need to know your last name.
A:
Ah, this again. Well I don't know. I think I may be almost cracked. I
think if you keep pushing I will have to eventually answer.
Q:
I really don't have the time to play games.
A:
What else is there is life but the playing of games? Surely you have
time for a game, and particularly for such a fun game as this.
Q:
This isn't a game; it's a question of national security.
A:
National security is just a game devised to share natural resources.
Q:
National security is about preserving lives, not natural resources.
It's safety, not economics.
A:
I guess I'm just cynical then.
Q:
What is your last name?
A:
I'm not the person to ask-- maybe try one of my known associates.
Q:
None of your associates have ever heard of someone matching your
description.
A:
This must be because I am actually an extraterrestrial whose first
mission on Earth was to be arrested at a violent demonstration.
Q:
I don't want to play games with you. We need to identify you. There a
re serious consequences if you don't comply with our questioning.
A:
Do you think this would be an appropriate time for me to lawyer up?
Q:
That is up to you to determine. Is it time?
A:
I could go on with this all day, you're the one who seems to be
frustrated.
Q:
I can do this all day too, but I'm not, because as you said, you're
ready to crack.
A:
I don't know, maybe I've got a second wind.
Q:
And what would be the cause of this second wind?
A:
You know the way of the will, it just arrives.
Q:
Perhaps the best course of action would be to let you sit: it worked
the first time.
A:
Oh please don't go.
Q:
You want me to stay, yet you don't want to talk.
A:
I do want to talk, I just don't want to give my last name. My name is
Mark. Isn't that enough for you?
Q:
No it isn't quite enough for me. Please consent to the line a of
questioning.
A:
Can't we get back to that, I swear I will tell you at the end of all
this.
Q:
This is the end. What is your name?
A:
I'm not ready for the end. Don't forget that I'm this super dangerous
terrorist.
Q:
You're a bit lucid for a terrorist.
A:
Well that's nice to hear, thank you.
Q:
Do I need to tell you about the consequences if you don't tell us
your name?
A:
You won't know what to write on the celebratory cake you baked for
me?
Q:
You will not be allowed to leave until you supply us your name.
A:
But there will be cake, right?
Q:
There will be no cake, but we will give you a sandwich.
A:
Like any type of sandwich? Because I would like a Reuben.
Q:
We have turkey and tuna fish.
A:
Oh that's gross. I guess I'll take a tuna fish.
Q:
Do you want it now?
A:
Yeah now would be great.
Q:
How about I give it to you after you give me your name?
A:
Oh, a rewards system, now we're talking. What else can I get?
Q:
You can get a sandwich or nothing.
A:
Oh, a punishment system. I see.
Q:
This is the way it's going to be.
A:
I think it must be against the law. I suppose it is rather out of the
ordinary for someone in my position to not get a lawyer, but I just
know he's-- or she's-- going to tell me a to stop talking and I
really really like talking.
Q:
What would you like to talk about?
A:
I would like to talk about the wind. Why does it blow?
Q:
I think it has to do with the rotation of the earth.
A:
This is your hypothesis?
Q:
Yes.
A:
You know it's wrong, though, right?
Q:
If you knew the answer already, why would you ask the question?
A:
I guess I wanted to achieve the upper hand, intellectually.
Q:
And does that make you feel better?
A:
I thought it would, but it didn't.
Q:
And why is that?
A:
Because I still am a subject to you.
Q:
What would help you feel equal to me?
A:
Maybe if you took off some of your clothes. Like your shirt or your
pants.
Q:
I'm sorry but I am not a homosexual.
A:
Oh me neither, though I do love seeing people get humiliated. That's
the real turn-on.
Q:
Do you like to be humiliated?
A:
Oh I am quite addicted to it. Yes, I love the feeling of shame.
Q:
What makes you feel ashamed?
A:
I love it when people mock my masculinity and repeat back phrases I
have just uttered. I like people laughing at my exceptionally small
penis. I like stains on my clothes, from either fallen food or bodily
secretions. I like being powerless in the face of violence and
physical degradation against my will. I like all kinds of pervy
stuff.
Q:
I don't feel comfortable with this information.
A:
Oh thanks, that makes me feel bad, which I like, so again, yeah,
thanks.
Q:
You know Mark, although you are clearly quite fascinated by yourself,
I find you on the other hand quite dull. You seem to be all surface,
and vulgarly manipulative, and it makes me queasy to share a room
with you.
A:
Wow, jeez, that was a good one, but you know you're a bit
manipulative as well.
Q:
Mark, I'm just doing my job and you're giving me a hard time.
A:
Oh, I know dear, and I'm quite sorry, but I just can't give you what
you want.
Q:
You're not in trouble, but you might be if you continue with this
course.
A:
There you go, you know threats are quite effective against me. I feel
ready now.
Q:
You're ready? So what is it?
A:
Mark Fucksman.
Q:
Mark.
A:
Fucksman. I'm sorry it's a foolish name. Now maybe you see that I was
too embarrassed to share.
Q:
Maybe you will disappear.
A:
Excuse me.
Q:
Maybe we will find your name when a missing persons report surfaces.
A:
This is a very serious threat.
Q:
I'm a very serious guy.
A:
So you're going to what? Dump me in the river?
Q:
I guess the river would work.
A:
Oh my God, you're scaring me. Fine I'll tell you. Mark Denizen.
Q:
Thank you Mark. That will be all.
A:
That's it? I'm free to go.
Q:
You're free to go-- once we confirm your name against the database.
(Q
leaves)
A:
Oh god, they're going to cut my throat like a dog. Why do I have to
stand up to my beliefs? I suppose this is destiny, I'll just be
another martyr for the cause of longer weekends and free money. This
hideously cruel world, why do you torment me? What's going to happen
to me? I'll never be alone again. I am in this world and I don't want
to be. I want to be free. I need to run away. Why am I so weak? Why
aren't I strong? An empty threat makes me abandon my defenses. What
am I to do? I'll never feel safe again. I want to whimper like a dog,
but no. I must be strong. I must face my death like a man. They can
put me down, but they can't put all of us down. Oh shit, yes they
can, they can put all of us down. We are all already down. What is
the fate of this cruel world? Cursed are we who stand on two feet. I
suppose that's not quite true. Things could be worse. I could not be
myself. I could feel an ever-increasing pain. I suppose I do feel an
ever-increasing pain though. Things couldn't be worse. Why was I
born? Why was I born into this? Why couldn't I have been born free,
free to hunt and gather and fight for my territory. I suppose I do
hunt and I do gather and I do fight , but I lose, I lose, I lose. Why
can't I ever win? Why do you detest me Lord? Maybe this will work out
fine. Maybe I will be fine. Maybe I have impressed them with my wit.
Maybe they'll make me into a secret agent. I certainly could handle
the part. I would do great as a secret agent. If you can't beat them
then you should join them, an old adage goes. Perhaps this is the
beginning of a beautiful new life for me. Certainly my old life was
getting worn out and tired. I needed a change. The Lord doesn't shut
a door without opening a window to crawl out of. But there's no
windows in this room. No worries, it was a metaphorical expression.
Jeez, Sometimes I really don't get it. I must be slow. There must be
something wrong with my mind. Am I crazy? Yes, probably. I'm still
speaking aloud. I could be doing this all inside my head but I'm not,
I am actually speaking all these words. And where does it get me?
They are probably going to lock me up, but at least I will probably
get my own cell, which makes it a lot easier to jerk off. Not that
I'm ashamed of my body, I just think it's rude to jerk off when
someone else is in the room. I find mutual masturbation odd. There
are more satisfying things to do with bodies, you know? Oh my god,
what am I talking about? And why am I even talking. I should just
silently go to my death with dignity and honor. There's nothing
honorable about dying-- immortality is an honor, not dying. I'm going
to scream. I am going to scream until they come in and help me. They
will probably administer a shot if I start screaming. I do like good
dope but I need to stay sharp if I am to get out of this. I need to
get out of this. There is still hope, right? I mean, I shouldn't give
up, right? Right? Why aren't I answering me? Oh my god, I've really
lost it now. If only I had a mantra, i could use the mantra and then
I would know exactly what to say. I would repeat this phrase until I
die, and if i repeat it enough, maybe it will still resound after my
death. All words are immortal-- they all exist on a different plane
of reality, though I suppose they are on a plane that is only
accessible through the human meat machine. What is the consequence of
this? I don't know, but don't look back. You can never look back.
Keep moving forward. They will be here soon, things will resume their
pace. This is a short interlude of solitary confinement but you're
making it through with your scrappy sense of reason and an
unstoppable momentum. Very good Mark, you're doing well. It is good
to see you. You look well today. Thank you, and yourself? I will have
the foie gras, if you don't mind. No, of course I don't mind, you may
order whatever you like. Oh, thank you for your hospitality. Thank
you for thanking me, but I don't think it is hospitality when I pay
for your meal at a restaurant. Perhaps if I were to cook you a meal
at home, then it would be hospitality. Oh silly me, I just say the
words I think are right. I don't have a lot of experience in dealing
with people. Oh, well though that is quite evident, I think you are
doing a charming job at it. Yes, well, thank you. Do you think the
captain will let me into the cabin? I would rather enjoy flying this
plane. You seem to be mistaken my friend, we are on a boat. We are in
a restaurant on a boat? I thought we were in a restaurant in a plane.
Well, technically we are in a interrogation cell at the police
station, so we can imagine we are where ever we want. What is going
on with me? Why am I thinking these thoughts? Why am I saying these
words? I must be losing it.
(Q
re-enters the room)
Q:
Okay Mr. Denizen, we can proceed with the questioning
A:
Oh great, I'm overjoyed.
Q:
Do you have any affiliations with anti-Israel organizations?
A:
What? No. No way.
Q:
You're not interested in the plight of the Palestinians?
A:
Not particularly. Should I be?
Q:
It is not uncommon for someone of your situation to be involved in
such an organization.
A:
No. Are we finally talking politics? I wasn't exactly ready for this.
Q:
You were arrested in connection to an anti-governmental protest. I
should think that politics are often on your mind.
A:
Well, yes, but not as pressing as matters of metaphysics and science.
Q:
So your protest was connected to your metaphysical beliefs?
A:
Yeah, I think I should be paid to sit on my ass.
Q:
I don't see how a that would serve society, Mr. Denizen.
A:
I believe slavery should be resumed on a non-racial basis. Slavery as
needed.
Q:
Do you think most of your colleagues share this view?
A:
No, as in everything, I am alone with this.
Q:
Do you have any connections to Al-Qeada?
A:
Never heard of those guys.
Q:
Surely you are joking.
A:
I'm pretty hazy on history after World War Two. That's as far as we
made it in high school History class.
Q:
Your joking is not helping the cause of your freedom.
A:
I know. What is wrong with me? I really should be taking this serious
situation more seriously.
Q:
I agree, Mr. Denizen.
A:
Well, really, What is wrong with me?
Q:
Perhaps it is a case of Oppositional-Defiance Disorder.
A:
That's too technical for me, Doc. For a laymen?
Q:
I guess I would consider you an asshole.
A:
So you're saying I contract and excrete shit?
Q:
In so many words, yes.
A:
Well is there any cure?
Q:
There are some cures, but I don't think you would like it.
A:
Oh, you're probably right, I hate things I don't like.
Q:
Very cute.
A:
See, I'm not just any asshole, I'm a cute asshole.
Q:
I feel myself being degraded by being in contact with you
A:
That isn't a very nice thing to say, you've hurt my feelings.
Q:
I don't mean to be rude, but you are a quite unpleasant person.
A:
You deal with terrorists everyday, and I am unpleasant? Well maybe
not everyday, I can't imagine there are that many terrorists, I mean,
I barely ever hear of something happening.
Q:
You don't hear about it because of the expediency of which I perform
my job.
A:
Well I really ought to shake your hand my friend. Seriously, I am so
happy I am not dead.
Q:
Are you being sarcastic?
A:
Why would I want to be dead? No one wants that. No I was trying to be
sincere.
Q:
I deal with people who really don't mind if they die:
suicide-bombers.
A:
Yeah, well I'm not one of the them.
Q:
That is the point which we are trying to ascertain.
A:
Touche. Well, how can I convince you that I am harmless?
Q:
It would help if you would just answer my questions.
A:
You got it. Shoot-- but not literally. I mean, ask.
Q:
Have you ever had any contact with Chechen separatists?
A:
No, I have never met a Chechen, though I would like to.
Q:
You would like to?
A:
I don't know, yeah, I think it would be interesting to meet a
Chechen.
Q:
You are aware that there are many Chechens involved in terrorist
plots.
A:
Yeah, I know, but I'm not going to hold that against a person I have
never met.
Q:
Hmm.
A:
Hmm? I answered that question wrong, didn't I.
Q:
I would say so.
A:
Can I take that back then?
Q:
I'm afraid you can't.
A:
So I'm a terrorist because I wouldn't deny a Chechen the right to
hang out?
Q:
You seem to be interested in terrorists and terrorist activity.
A:
No, I'm interested in scientists and scientist activities.
Q:
Are you interested in conspiracy theories?
A:
I mean, as much as anyone. Is the Illuminatus Trilogy a conspiracy
book? Is Thomas Pynchon a conspiracy theorist?
Q:
I am not familiar with these works. Do they involve conspiracies?
A:
I mean, I guess, but they're fiction and I know it, they know, and
everyone knows it.
Q:
Are you interested in Presidential assassinations?
A:
I mean, I guess I read Libra by Don DeLillo, but that's just one
book.
Q:
Hmm.
A:
Oh shit, I get it now, I'm supposed to lie and deny all your
questions. Jeez, what an idiot. I think I got it now.
Q:
Have you--
A:
No.
Q:
I didn't ask the question yet.
A:
I sorry, all your “hmmms” have made me nervous. I'm a little on
edge, could I get a beer?
Q:
No, that is not possible.
A:
I'm sorry what was I thinking. Could I get a Xanax?
Q:
Are you prescribed Xanax?
A:
No, but I always enjoy it, when I can get it.
Q:
Do you often abuse prescription drugs?
A:
If I said yes, would that be a good thing? I mean, junkies are never
terrorists, right? I mean at this point in history?
Q:
It's not good or bad, we're just interested in who you are. Although,
in my opinion, abusing prescription drugs is not healthy behavior.
A:
Yes, I suppose I am a real sick one.
Q:
What other drugs do you use?
A:
Oh, right, none. I don't use drugs ever. That would be, like,
super-duper bad of me. I'm a good boy.
Q:
I take it that you are being dishonest.
A:
No, I mean, maybe, yeah, maybe I have smoked pot in the past, but I'm
not high now and that's what counts.
Q:
So how often do you smoke pot?
A:
That's all in the past, man, I'm on the straight and narrow. You've
scared me straight. I'm going to become a stockbroker, one who never
ever uses cocaine, if they let me, I mean, with your permission, sir.
Q:
Okay, I feel like I have enough to work with.
A:
That's it? I suppose that was enough. I mean I'm not quite satisfied,
but when am I ever? I mean it should be clear that I'm not a
terrorist, but somehow i am disappointed that I'm not. Do you ever
feel like that?
Q:
No. You can leave now.
A:
That was too easy. I'm such a fool, I could have drawn this out, but
I got spooked. What a bummer. And you didn't even ask about Ali...
Q:
Who is Ali?
A:
Oh just this guy I know. Pretty sure he wants to be a terrorist.
Q:
Do you have a last name?
A:
No, but I could point him out to you.
Q:
You're making this up, aren't you? This is a very serious situation,
you won't do yourself any favors if you lie.
A:
No, I swear, I know him and he's like really serious about blowing
stuff up.
Q:
What makes you say this?
A:
Well, it's just this once he made a sound like an explosion and did
the explosion hand motion when we were talking about parking
downtown. I didn't think it was anything at the time, but now I think
he is definitely planning something.
Q:
This is a very serious accusation you're making. Something makes me
believe you are lying. What does Ali look like?
A:
He's like this Arab dude who wear t-shirts, like a scraggly beard and
stuff. I don't know, he looka like a man.
Q:
Hold on, I have to confer with a colleague. I'll be right back.
(Q
leaves the room)
A:
Oh no, it's happening again, I can feel it, I mean I can hear it--
I'm talking still. This would be a very good time to hold my tongue.
Oh jeez, what can I do? Old MacDonald had a farm, E-I-E-I-O, anything
but what is on my mind. If I could just say something that is the
opposite of what I am thinking right now I would be in good shape. I
am thinking one thing while saying another thing that I am also
thinking, but I'm not saying the thing I don't want to say, while at
the same time I am not saying what I want to say, i want to say
something unrelated to what I'm thinking, and instead i seem to be
narrating my thought-actions. Are thought-actions a thing? I never
heard that combination of words, this is good I am getting off topic.
This is good. Oh no, what is happening, they're listening to me, I
better be good and not say the wrong things. This is very important.
Oh my god Mark what are you doing? What are you doing? Why are you
doing this? This is very bad, you shouldn't be doing this, you better
hope they don't catch you doing this. This is very important. It is
very important. It is good. It is bad. It is indifferent. It
shouldn't have to be this way. It could be any number of other
things. It is good. It is bad. It is indifferent. It could be any
number of things. It could be good. It could be bad. It could be
indifferent. It could be any number of things. It should be good. It
should be bad. It should be any number of things. It should be
indifferent. Oh no I made a mistake in sequencing. There's no going
back-- I can't unsay anything. I wish I could unsay so many things.
It would be good if i could. It would be bad if i could. It could be
indifferent. It could be any number of things.
(Q
re-enters room)
Q:
Okay, so tell me why you think we should be interested in your friend
Ali.
A:
Friend, did I say friend? He's just a guy I know, I mean, I don't
really have any friends.
Q:
I'm not surprised.
A:
Yeah, well, I've met many people, you know how it is.
Q:
So when did you meet him?
A:
I met him at a protest. A protest in the past, maybe six months ago.
Q:
The march six months ago?
A:
Yeah, that was it, but it was just briefly, I talked to him maybe
four minutes.
Q:
And what did he talk about?
A:
He talked about the plight of the Indian, and farm-workers, and the
revolution. But everyone talks about the revolution.
Q:
What did he say about the revolution?
A:
He said we're going to get their backs against the wall and he made a
machine gun sound. I thought that was uncalled for. I mean let's get
their backs against the wall and make them work at Starbucks or
something. I believe in more poetic forms of justice.
Q:
Who is the “they” you're referring to?
A:
You know, our corporate oppressors, the government, the judges, the
jerks, the clerks, the clerics, the seers, the starers, the starters,
the farters, the feelers, the furries, the freaks, the fairies, the
free, the foils, the feeble, the frail, the victims, the heroes, the
soldiers, the stars, the sky, you know, “They.”
Q:
No one is trying to oppress you. You are free to live your life. What
is your problem?
A:
I know. I wish I could take it back. I just want to be happy. I just
want to live my life. I wish I could sing. Then I would be star of a
grand opera. Please let me go. I'm scared. I don't want to do this
anymore. Let me go please. Don't tell anyone what I've said, please.
Q:
It's a little late for that, but I appreciate you coming forward,
eventually.
A:
Please, I need protection. I've made an accusation against a
dangerous man, he's going to kill me.
Q:
You will be fine. He won't hear about you.
A:
He'll know what I have said, he'll know I talked to you. He knows I'm
weak with a big mouth. Please don't let me die.
Q:
No one is going to kill you. Please stop freaking out.
A:
I been freaking out for the past hour, I been freaking out my entire
life. I don't like this. Please keep me safe.
Q:
I suppose we can hold you while we investigate this Ali, although a
last name would greatly help us in this matter.
A:
I am such a shit, I volunteered that information. What is wrong with
me, why am I like this?
Q:
You must feel an obligation to help your country.
A:
No, I was lying. There is no Ali, I was lying.
Q:
Is this true?
A:
Completely true, I'm a liar who just wants attention. Please don't
make me be alone..
Q:
This is really quite perverse. Let me confer with my colleague.
(Q
exits the room)
A:
Oh my God, what is wrong with me? Why was I born this way? I am a
hopeless scab. I have scabies, I have rabies, I have dementia, I have
erectile dysfunction. I have herpes, I have hepatitis, I have
HIV/AIDS, I have laryngitis. I have cancer, i have the cure, I have a
box, I have some rings, I have money, i have doughnuts, I have love,
I have hate, I have everything and nothing all wrapped up in one.
What am I going to do? This guy is going to kill me and dump me in
the river. I wish I could be beamed back up to the mothership. Why is
this not a dream? I should simply be dreaming this horrible nonsense.
Why did this have to happen to me? Dear God, if I get out of this I
promise I will never protest anything. I will stay at home and watch
television all the time and devote myself to silent prayer in your
name. Please send me a sign, a sign that says I will be safe. I don't
want to worry any more. I want to feel secure in my ontology. I want
to be safe in my skin. Don't take my soul as one of your possessions.
I want to escape. Dear God, get me out of this. Why am I like this?
What is wrong with me? I can't help myself-- I just keep talking,
digging my own grave. They're going to put a bullet in my head and
bury me. Why do I do this to myself? I can't help myself. Give me the
the strength of self control. Why am I talking aloud? This is not a
good thing. This is a bad thing. It is not indifferent. There could
be so many different things. Different things are good. Different
things are bad. Different things are indifferent. Different things
are plentiful. I want to get lost inside my soul. I want to get lost
inside a shopping mall. I want to get stuck in between a doorway. I
want to be struck by a hammer. I want to slip into a dream. I want
different colors to surround me. I want to be a part of everything. I
want to sing with the angels. I want to lose my mind. I want to
forgive my father. I want to lose everything. I want to forgive my
mother. I want to sleep with the babysitter.
(Q
re-enters room)
Q:
Okay, Mr. Denizen, you're free to go, for real this time.
A:
What? I mean, okay. I mean, so now you're going to follow me, right?
Q:
You may hear from us in the future, you may not. It depends how
things go.
A:
I won't be able to walk around without looking for you over my
shoulder.
Q:
Don't be alarmed, just stay out of trouble, okay?
A:
Okay, I will. Thank you, I've had the best time here today.
Q:
You're welcome. Now please leave.
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